Life Story Part I

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I Vant to Suck Your Blud

So I guess mom will be sucking my blood out any day now. Well, she will have a third party suck it out and clean it first, but still.

I mean, how much more could I prove my love? I guess this means I'm off the hook for the next gift-giving holiday..or maybe we're even.

Mom: "Don't give me that crap! I gave you life!"

Me: "Oh yeah, well I gave you life more recently. Huh..huh...yeah, that's what I thought!"

Heaven help her if we have to do this again, then I'll be up by 1.

So anyway, ma calls me today to say the transfusion plan is on. I have to find out my blood type.

Now normally you'd think this would be an easy thing to obtain. I had blood tests done at my last doctor, but the doctor's asst assured me that I need a "special" test for that. Wha?!

So I almost donated blood a few years ago, but they had just tortured another lady with about ten puncture wounds, so they were a little nervous with my small ass veins. Just tapped my arm and said, "Forget it, get outta here."

So ma tells me I can go to Blood Services, but it's gonna cost me $35. No biggie, at least the money. But to be honest, I don't want to go to the same building that winos go to get a quick fix by donating their own life juice.

Call me quirky.

So ma says I should be able to go to my PCP and get tested there. May even be covered by my insurance, but I doubt it with my crappy insurance.

So I call them up and ask and the girl gives me the run around saying I need an official order from the doctor. My mother's doctor.

So I call her back.

Mom: "Did you get my voice mail?" (saying I should call my PCP)

Me: "Yeah I called and they said I needed some order from your doctor."

Mom: "Well, yeah, that's what I called about, so just call you're PCP."

This repeats about five times before I get truly frustrated and just about order her to talk to her doctor about it.

You ever seen Zoolander? "So, why male models?"

I can't tell you how many times in my life I've relived that specific moment in the film.

"Yeah, but did you call your PCP?"

I love my mom, but I swear she tests my limits sometimes.

Well gotta go, still working. Luvs!

0 scratches so far

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