Life Story Part I

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Banks

So is it wrong to envision yourself strangling an 80+ year old woman and screaming, "Hurry the fuck up, bitch!" while waiting in the bank line while she plays twenty questions with the teller??

So I was at the bank the other day (if you haven't guessed that by now then stop reading my diary because you're not worthy) and I go to fill out my deposit slip like a good doobie. Of course, there was only like two people in line when I started, but like fifteen once I had it filled out. And I'm pretty quick. It's like my own little personal contest to see how quickly I can fill it out.

So muttering under my breath about the stupid lines at banks and the wait it takes to get my check deposited at the ATM therefore forcing me to stand in line to deposit my check, I notice that most of the people in front of me have not filled out a deposit slip for their deposit.

I actually had a teller thank me the other day for filling it out beforehand. I asked her if it happens much, people filling out their paperwork beforehand, and she replied, "Not as much as you think."

So this, ladies and gentlemen, is why it takes twenty freakin minutes to deposit your money when there's only three people in line.

While I was envisioning my torture to grandma, I was also taking notice of what the other people at the other tellers were doing.

There was one guy who was talking to the teller, then eventually she passed him a deposit slip. Then he sat there and filled it out while we all waited. Now, instead of focusing on granny, I was envisioing myself walking up the teller and the guy and saying, "Make him go to the back of the line and fill out his fucking deposit slip!" Of course, the guy was ESL or quite possibly E-No-L because she was speaking spanish to him. So they passed back his deposit slip like four times before the guy eventually got it right.

Next to him, there was some guy who apparently had a list of all the possible transactions you could make with a teller, because he kept on requesting stuff:

"Okay, can you deposit this? Now can I get a money order? Can I open a checking account? Can I wire money to Africa? Can you calculate my net worth down to the penny taking into account every single possible percentage rate known to man?"

Augh!!!!!

Then of course, there's the infamous "merchant" line. There's always some jackass with a buttload of money taking up a perfectly good teller. Why do they get a special line? If anything, they're probably on company time, so they can afford to wait the few extra minutes.

Why don't they have an express line at the bank like stores? You know "Only deposits at this counter and NO QUESTIONS!"

I would love to use the ATM, but apparently any transaction going INTO the ATM is subject to whatever rules the teller pulling it out of the ATM feels like applying at that time. "Hmmm, this is an in-state check, but at a different bank and her name is the same as my first girlfriend who was a royal bitch. We'll put that baby on hold for say, um, 3 weeks. Then make up excuses when she calls in because she can't pay her rent although she's deposited the same check in the ATM for the last five years with no problem."

Plus, WTF is up with banker's hours? 10 to 5, if you're lucky?? Why is that?? Does it have something to do with the stock market??

Needless to say, I was able to get through without killing, strangling, or yelling at anyone. But next time, I'm not filling out that damn deposit slip before I get to the counter.

Cause I'm a rebel baby. Yeah!

3 scratches so far

Moved - 2005-07-25
New Job - 2005-07-25
Idiots in the News and Mom Update - 2005-07-21
Parents! (sigh) - 2005-07-21
More of the Same - 2005-07-19

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