Life Story Part I

Contact Me

Litter Mates
redtoaster
unclebob
savecraig
pischina
boxer-briefs
luxlust
poopiebitch
aimeelori
coldandgray

Non DiaryLand Buddy List
All Encompassingly
Blue Bert
Trac

Fun & Favorite Links

Anger

Cold, callous, uncaring, selfish bitch!!!

That's me as of late.

I don't like it. I hate it.

How funny, I hate everything and everyone therefore I hate myself. Literally.

My mother has tried calling like four times today. I've been ignoring it.

I know that everytime she calls, she wants something.

I also knew that this particular time she wanted a ride to a doctor's appointment because hubby told me.

I figured I'd call her later today, because I had a headache and needed to relax on top of doing tons of homework.

Plus I'm in a bitchy mood and I know I'll regret it if I talk to anyone in a bitchy mood. But quite frankly, if I waited unti lI wasn't in a bitchy mood to talk, I wouldn't talk to anyone.

So I finally got a voice mail message from her and I checked it.

She was asking if I could take her in at 10:30 in the morning and she's getting worried because she left a message with hubby and I haven't called back. Then she started breaking down in tears.

This is going to sound awful, but part of a diary is to document and share the bad as well as the good, right?

I got pissed. Livid.

I hate it when people cry. It just seems to be a way to get sympathy and your way.

I even feel this way when I cry, which is about once every month. (You know what I'm talking about girls.)

And mom seems to be doing this a lot as of late.

I feel like it's a manipulation. It may not be.

Actually I think mom has a lot of manipulation tools in her guilt bag, but she doesn't realize she's doing it.

It's like Pavlov. The dog doesn't know why he's drooling or probably even THAT he's drooling, but it's all in response to food.

I feel like a bitch for feeling this way.

I asked hubby to call her and tell her he'd take her in.

I don't know why he didn't just offer in the first place. He doesn't have school until 6 p.m.

I just get frustrated because people are constantly hounding me for 'favors'.

I guess I should feel flattered. I mean, you only ask a person to do a favor because you knwo they're reliable and will do it.

But I'm just tired of it all.

I think it all started when we moved in with hubby's grandmother to take care of her.

Or maybe when I started taking care of hubby because he had some addictions.

Lemme list what I deal with on a daily basis:
- hubby asking for money
- hubby asking me to come back home later during the day to pick him up so he doesn't have to get up early in the a.m. to take me into work
- mom calling for rides to the doctor, or needing mexican food
- Schmoe asking for money because his account is overdrawn or he needs to pay something online and can't do it with his account
- letting the kid stay with us because he needs help (although he's cool so it's not that big of a deal)
- doing a majority of the work on my school project because my classmate just 'doesn't get it'
- taking over a project because the SQL guy who teaches SQL 'doesn't get it'

Oh well. I just need to get off my freakin pedestal and just be thankful that I'm needed.

I just don't know what to do to get over this incredible anger I have built up lately.

And I hate it.

Maybe once I get out of school and get some more time to relax?

Anyway thanks for letting me vent.

Thanks redtoaster for telling me abou diaryland. It's the perfect outlet.

Back to work...but first a relaxing ciggie (fag for your englanders)

0 scratches so far

Moved - 2005-07-25
New Job - 2005-07-25
Idiots in the News and Mom Update - 2005-07-21
Parents! (sigh) - 2005-07-21
More of the Same - 2005-07-19

All Older Entries