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2005-02-06 - 8:07 p.m.
Why am I so stressed?
Wow!! I just found my old journal. I started it in like 1998. Boy, am I stress monger and have been down on myself my whole life.
It really put things into perspective, like I'm an anal retard!!
Okay, granted it's that anal retardness that has made me the successful person I am today, but I'm amazed I haven't died from a heart attack yet.
All old entries were about worrying about my husband, my weight, my finances, my grades, my realtionships. Augh!!!
And guess what? I'm not much better today.
My husband and I were out today for a nice breakfast and most of the meal was talking about what we're going to do when we graduate. Have a nice house, have kids, what schools the kids will go to, what we'll do when we retire...yada, yada, yada.
Hubby finally said, "Can we talk about something other than work?" Of course, we were silent for the first fifteen minutes. Then I started talking about my friends and what they're doing...yada, yada, yada.
On our way back, I thought about what he said, and he was completely right. We've gotten into this habit of looking forward to tomorrow, but never really enjoying today. All we talk about is future plans, or how we need to stop spending so we can save for tomorrow, or how we're going to exercise tomorrow. Nothing about today!! Geez!!!!
So after reading my journal and noticing the trend of stress and planning, I decided to really think about my life. These are my conclusions:
I've pretty much attained a lot in life. I have my BS in CIS, I have a good paying job, nice house, nice car. Only a class and a half til Masters degree is attained.
Hubby graduates in Sept, but that's beyond my control.
I really only have very few goals left in life to attain to feel fulfilled. They are:
#1. Finish master's program. Considering I only have a semester and half left to do this, why am I so freakin stressed????
#2. Have kids. Considering how freakin horny I've been lately, if I just allow myself to succumb to temptation, this should take care of itself shortly. Don't have to worry about getting pregnant anymore and need to stop stressing about not getting pregnant.
#3. Save, save, save. This leads into #4. If I would just eat at home, and enjoy being at home, then this little goal will follow.
#4. Lose about 40 pounds. This is the worst one. I have been battling this little issue since about age 10. Although reading my diary helped. I noticed that when I was on WW and vegetarian, I had at one point lost 20 pounds. I didn't remember that, but if I can do it once, I can do it again.
So you see all I really have to worry about is #3 and #4.
I also need to just live in the here and now. Need to start appreciating today. I've worked my butt off to get where I am. Granted 29 is not all that old, but I'm not spring chicken either (as evident by the many photos we were looking through today too).
Just relax. Eat right. And save. Wow, what a concept!!
BTW, big believer in God grant me the serenity...
Moved - 2005-07-25
New Job - 2005-07-25
Idiots in the News and Mom Update - 2005-07-21
Parents! (sigh) - 2005-07-21
More of the Same - 2005-07-19