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2005-04-16 - 3:17 p.m.
Ignorance is bliss
Emotion: Depression
This is the worst of emotions.
You shut down. It makes you become apathetic and stagnant.
You just want to curl up in a little ball in a dark area where no one where bother you and stare into space.
You can do it for hours and lose yourself.
Because you're not thinking and not doing anything, the only thing can pull you out of it it yourself.
It's an awful emotion. A state of being, or not-being.
I always wondered what if I just let it come over me completely.
Be non-responsive to everything and everyone.
Eventually they'd take me away. They'd lock me up and feed me meds just so I continue to not respond.
It wouldn't help, well it wouldn't help me.
I think it wouldn't be so bad to be fed and taken care of.
But then I think of my animals.
Stupid, isn't it?
The only thing that ever pulled me from my depression and my suicidal tendancies was the thought of who would take care of my animals?
Hardly anyone understands it. However let me explain...
My cat, when he thinks I'm not home, meows incessently. He misses me. He's my shadow at all times. He doesn't speak back to me and is always there regardless of my emotions.
Some people would call this anthropomorphisizing (sp?), but aren't we all just shells responding to our environment?
Hey, science isn't pretty. We like to romanticize things.
However at the heart of it, we are just mirrors to our experiences in life.
We admit it, without admitting it.
The first thing a psychologist looks at is what shit you've had to put up with in your life.
We have a tendancy to blame everything in our lives, but ourselves.
Depression is a bullshit emotion.
You allow yourself to be depressed.
Just like you allow yourself to be angry, happy, sad, horny.
Okay, maybe not horny. No one can control that.
In psychology we learned that there are only really two true emotions. I believe they were happiness and fear.
You get depressed, sad, angry because you have fear of not being in control. Or that things aren't going to change.
I hate depression the most. Especially in myself, because I can recognize it and chose to give into it.
But there must be a purpose to it.
There is a purpose to everthing isn't there??
Fear is a survival tactic. If you are afraid, you're adrenelin starts rushing and you move into action to fight (or run) from the very thing you're afraid of.
But depression??
Were the cavemen depressed? Surely, the cavewomen were??
Or maybe not. Maybe it's our society which has allowed for inactivity that has allowed depression to become a part of our lives.
I don't think cavemen had depression because they had to keep active all the time.
Of course, that's a fallacy too.
It's been proven that we spend more time working today then the cavemen did.
Did you know that they 'worked' only about 15 hours a week, as opposed to our 40+??
No wonder we're depressed and angry.
It amazes me that with all of our so-called 'progession' we're still more stupid than the cavemen.
No one will admit that though. They think Nintendo and expanded life-spans show 'progression'.
But what is an expanded life if you don't enjoy it?
The most simple concepts in life we miss.
We think cool gadgets and large houses will make us happy. But has it??
I admit to being happy when I purchase it and probably for about an hour afterwards, but then we have to maintain these things. They worry us because we have to pay on loans, or fix them.
If you haven't read "Affluenza" you really should.
Of course, there are a million books I could reccommend.
"Cruddy" is one of these great books.
Perhaps this is the reason why I'm so dramatic today.
I seem to always take on the emotions of my books.
If it's a really good book, I'll be exhausted after reading it. Much better than any movie or television show.
You know...the more I learn, the less I know.
Ignorance is bliss. How true, how true...
Moved - 2005-07-25
New Job - 2005-07-25
Idiots in the News and Mom Update - 2005-07-21
Parents! (sigh) - 2005-07-21
More of the Same - 2005-07-19