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2005-04-12 - 8:39 p.m.
I have no freakin idea...you figure it out
Okay ladies and gentlemen.
No more of that lighthearted "My day went fairly well" bullshit.
Yesterday seemed to be an awakening of some sort.
I don't keep a diary to go over my agenda or daily events. Well...not so much.
The whole point of a shared diary, if you will, is to experience other people's emotions, desires, and gut wrenching experiences.
So...
Today's emotion is...
well I thought it was guilt, but I can't write a freakin story to save my life!!
Maybe it's frustration.
Or writer's block.
Geez....
Here I was going to pour my heart out to you and I have no idea how.
Stupid freakin idea.
How about acceptance??
Here I sit, trying to come up with something to appease you people.
Does it really fucking matter?!?!
No...but yet here I sit...
Lord know I have plenty of stories. Heartwrenching gobs of guilt, passion, anger, embarassment...
but can I think of any decent way to introduce it?
No!!!
Well that's partly my fault.
I'm not really that shallow.
I would never make up something for you just to make it up.
And I don't want to make you suffer through another, "I guess today was good" entry.
I mean who really wants to hear about programming and more office politics??
Yeah, not you.
And you know what? Not me either!!!
Yeah, this is much better.
I refuse to pander.
Well...much.
It's an odd combination, I have.
I'm in desperate need of acknowledgement and acceptance, yet refuse to be false to myself in order to do so.
Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'm sure you're saying to yourself, "well that's a wonderful thing to be. You're true to yourself."
Bullshit!!!
Do you have any idea how freakingly frustrating it is to constantly go back and forth between the two??
Aside from the fact that I have to think for hours on end how I'm going to say something to someone that upholds my ideas but doesn't piss them off.
Oh how I long to just go off on someone.
Just say, "OK fuckin shut up!! I'm right, you're wrong. End of discussion."
But no. I go through the freakin dilemma of getting someone to like me while stating my convictions.
And this is not easy to do.
Do you have any idea how opinionated people are now-a-days?
Not to mention that most ameobas feel that if you disagree with their opinions then you're just not worth it, and they either give up on you and give you one of those disgusted looks or scream their opinion at you. (As if volume has anything to do with persuasion.)
That's another thing I don't get folks. Why is it when we don't get our way, we yell?!
It only makes the problem worse.
Whenever...FREAKIN EVER...has it helped the situation to yell??????
I think people just watch too many movies.
Go read a book.
Moved - 2005-07-25
New Job - 2005-07-25
Idiots in the News and Mom Update - 2005-07-21
Parents! (sigh) - 2005-07-21
More of the Same - 2005-07-19